The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops designated the first Sunday of October as “Respect Life Sunday,” kicking off a month-long campaign for Catholics to pray for an end to societal injustices affecting human dignity.
Respect Life Month especially aims to rally the faithful around the injustice of abortion. This year’s theme for the October campaign, “Each of Us is a Masterpiece of God’s Creation,” underscores the sacredness of human life from conception to natural death. The USCCB chose a theme emphasizing an approach of love, humility and healing toward those who may be considering, or have in the past been affected by, abortion.
Here in the Islands, Respect Life Month is an especially poignant time for the women, men and families touched by the Rachel’s Vineyard ministry. Rachel’s Vineyard has been providing confidential retreats led by a team of dedicated volunteers who help ease the emotional and spiritual burdens that come with abortion.
Lisa Shorba, one of the volunteers who has been organizing Rachel’s Vineyard retreats, echoes the USCCB’s call for more compassion in addressing the abortion issue.
“There is a blindness about abortion,” Shorba said. “A lot of people are not seeing the truth. It’s not about choice, it’s about cherishing life.”
Shorba and the Rachel’s Vineyard team have been privy to powerful stories of retreat participants who have experienced abortion’s agony, and with the empathy and grace of the ministry, have overcome its pain and sorrow.
To mark Respect Life Month, three Rachel’s Vineyard participants shared their testimonies with the Hawaii Catholic Herald. Because of the sensitive nature of abortion, the women asked that their names be withheld.
They all hope their stories can encourage a deeper discussion about the real effects of abortion, the widespread need for healing, and the true meaning of respecting life.
C.M.: I was afraid I would never be able to have a normal life
C.M. said she still relives the memory of her abortion “at random times.” She had been “happy and excited” when she found out she was pregnant just as she was about to finish college. The father of the child, however, refused to support her pregnancy or marry her for the sake of a family.
They both were young and about to start new careers on the mainland. As much as she wanted to keep the baby, he told her that abortion was the only choice.
“I hated him for even thinking it, for saying it, and especially for meaning it,” C.M. said. “I was afraid I would never be able to have a normal life, and no child to apologize for it.”
When she went in for the procedure, she saw “a pretty, young, Spanish-looking girl with long, black hair” at the facility for an appointment as well. She recalled that the girl was nervous, holding her arms together as she was dressed in a hospital gown.
C.M. said she thought, “What are you doing here? You’re so young. You shouldn’t be here.”
Later, she realized, “she’s just a reflection of myself.”
C.M. said her recollection of the actual abortion “echoes into oblivion,” but the physical pain afterward was so intense, she remembers it to this day. That pain, she feels, “was a reminder that it was real, that I had done something terribly wrong.”
After the abortion, she and the father of the child broke up. C.M. was left alone, trying hard to work at her new job, but distracted from the trauma.
Fortunately, she had the support of another guy friend, who would eventually become her husband. He sympathized with her and provided a shoulder of unconditional love to lean on during that dark time.
“At least I know that God was showing me the men in my life in true colors,” she said. “I’m so grateful I ended up with the right one.”
C.M. now has a beautiful family of three sons. She attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat several years ago, and has also found healing in her gift of music. As she sings the songs she has written about becoming whole again, her beautiful voice paints a picture of the suffering, hope, strength and faith in her journey.
In one of her most powerful compositions, she penned lyrics that vividly depict how a single decision can change the course of a life forever.
“We talk about choice, but you’re talking about the woman’s choice,” C.M. said. “But what about the baby’s choice? Don’t they have rights? Doesn’t it count for anything?”
Heather: The longer you avoid the pain, the deeper it gets
Under the pen-name Heather Wilson, one Rachel’s Vineyard participant has been working on a book titled “Extreme Speechless Pain.” Like C.M., the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat touched Wilson’s life, and now she is using her creativity in writing, film production and other outlets to help in healing.
Wilson said she “went from being pro-choice to being pro-life.” She had more than one abortion in the past, she explained, “all with the same person that had tricked me into thinking that he would marry me if I just did what he asked me to do.”
The last abortion left her sterile. It was “the most traumatizing side effect of the whole experience,” Wilson said. Now married to “the man of my dreams,” she said it is devastating that abortion has taken away the precious possibility of parenthood for her and her husband.
“I feel like I’ve really sacrificed the most important gift I could have ever received,” she said.
Wilson noted that the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat “opened my heart” to the feelings she had kept inside for a very long time. Although she had been frank with counselors in the past about her abortions, she said they glossed over the issue. She had been in denial about the pain for years.
“My heart was really closed to the experience and just kind of wanted to block it out and forget about it,” Wilson said. “I couldn’t even tell you the day it happened because it was just a big, huge denial, which is a coping mechanism.”
“The longer you avoid the pain, the deeper it gets,” she added. “It just doesn’t go away on its own.”
Wilson believes there are a lot of women in a similar position, walking wounded from abortion. That is why she has tried to become involved in pro-life work and in the Rachel’s Vineyard ministry when she can.
“What a woman really needs is someone to hold her hand,” Wilson said. “What turns off so many women from being pro-life or making the switch, I think, is that there’s a lacking of compassion or insight into the devastation she really feels, but can’t express.”
She hopes the Rachel’s Vineyard ministry can get more funding, particularly from the church, for the invaluable service it provides.
She also wishes the term “pro-life” could be changed to “cherish life” instead. Putting forward the need to value human dignity changes the perspective of abortion as a political or social issue to understanding its real ramifications.
“For every ‘pro’ there is a ‘con,’” Wilson explained. “But the concept of cherishing life shifts it to the emotional side of it versus the intellectual side. So even if someone was against me having my baby if I was pregnant, and the message everywhere was ‘cherish life,’ I’d really connect with that differently and say you know, I do cherish life.”
“I always have,” she said.
A.D.: A few days after the retreat, I had a dream
A.D. wrote to the Hawaii Catholic Herald saying that the ministry provided by the Rachel’s Vineyard team “has made such a profound difference in my life. To be heard and forgiven with loving support, wisdom, and spiritual guidance — this has been so healing and cleansing. I am deeply grateful.” What follows is the rest of her statement.
“Sometimes we need to reach a certain place in our lives to be able to heal from trauma. It took me such a long time, many years, before I was able to face my sins of abortion and receive healing. Lisa (Shorba) was very encouraging and persistent, and I am so thankful that I finally was able to go to a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.
“I want to state that I believe ‘right to life’ includes not only prenatal life, but also care for the parents and infant after birth. This includes healthcare, nutrition, education, decent housing and work that is fairly compensated. While it’s true that one sin often leads to another, so many of us make important decisions under the stress of truly difficult circumstances such as an abusive relationship or dire poverty. Nowadays so many people are in need of a loving family and supportive community. As Pope Francis said, ‘Who am I to judge?’
“At the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, the groundwork was set for honest sharing and compassionate listening, confession, mutual support, biblical stories, good food, hugs, tears and reconciliation. In one weekend, a lot of difficult ground was covered. I came away feeling cleansed and forgiven. This healing has brought me closer to Jesus Christ.
“Looking back, I can see that my sins came between me and my family, between me and God. Somehow, in the process of honest confession to others, and hearing also the shared experience of others who have been affected by abortion, with the mutual tears shed and prayers offered up, somehow this has changed everything for me. I am able to be more loving and present with family, friends, co-workers, even strangers.
“A few days after the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, I had a dream. A very ordinary-looking man appeared before me. He was dressed in a white robe. I did not recognize him at first. I approached him and was embraced with his great love, acceptance and kindness. Only then did I know he was Jesus Christ. I know he shared his love, compassion and mercy with me not because of anything I did or did not do, but because God is Love. By embracing such a sinner as me, he shows that the love of God is here for all of us, if we turn humbly to him.”
For more information and resources on Respect Life Month, visit the USCCB website, www.usccb.org. To get in touch with someone about the Rachel’s Vineyard ministry, call 349-5071 or email RVinHawaii@gmail.com.