Dear Mason and Teo, My boyfriend is a Lutheran and I’m Catholic. I think he may be the guy I want to marry. I attended his church service at the Lutheran church and noticed that they do nearly the same things we Catholics do at Mass. During Communion, everyone in the church went to Communion except me. After service the pastor came and asked me why I didn’t go to Communion and I explained that I was Catholic. He said it was nearly the same thing and next time to come join them in Communion. Is it the same? (Not Sure)

Dear Not Sure,

It is good to hear that you are seriously discerning whether your Lutheran boyfriend may be a suitable lifetime partner. There are special challenges with “mixed religion” marriage, either interchurch (both are Christian but of different denominations), or interfaith (one is Christian and the other belongs to a faith that doesn’t recognize the divinity of Jesus).

Many young couples avoid the discussion on religion and faith. Then when they are married and become parents, they are confronted with the question of which faith tradition to raise their children. It is best that couples such as yourselves talk about the baptisms of your future children before you get married.

Faith will affect your marriage. Clarifying what faith means to you and what it means to your partner will help lay the foundation of morality, values and spiritual formation for your children and your own future relationship.

Sharing different beliefs is not easy. Ongoing dialogue is necessary. Your faith and values will develop as you mature and being married to someone who is uninterested in, or even opposed to, your faith can be very difficult. It is best to be honest with yourself. Will you be able to deal with important differences in another person?

Unity is the strength of Christian marriage. The Catholic Church teaches that “in all marriages, the primary concern of the church is to uphold the strength and stability of the indissoluble marital union and the family life that flows from it.” (Pontifical Council for Promoting Christian Unity, 1993, para. #144).

It will be up to you, the couple, to determine practical ways in which your different, but deeply held, values may be respected and celebrated.

Lutheran Communion services follow the outline of the Roman Catholic Mass. However, the theologies are different.

Catholics believe in “transubstantiation.” Dating from the earliest years of the church, it is the belief that the bread and the wine actually become the body and blood of Jesus. The prefix “trans” means that a change has taken place. The bread actually becomes the body of Jesus and the wine actually becomes his blood. The term transubstantiation was confirmed at the Fourth Ecumenical Council of the Lateran (1215) because it did justice to the biblical teaching regarding Christ’s presence as well as the tradition and practice of the early Church regarding the Eucharist.

Martin Luther rejected transubstantiation, believing in a principle that is sometimes called “consubstantiation” where Jesus is “with, in, and under” the bread and wine; that the body and blood of Christ is joined with the bread and wine. The prefix “con” means that the bread does not become the body of Jesus but co-exists with the physical bread so that the bread is both bread and the body of Jesus.

The Lutheran theology of Communion has evolved but still does not agree with the Catholic view. Communion is not a social event, but an intimate union with God. Catholics believe that the Eucharist is an action of the celebrating community, signifying a oneness in faith, life and worship of the community.

Since it was Jesus Christ that established this New Covenant, who are we to manipulate, change or dismember ourselves from the source and summit of life? Seek the truth by digging deeply in the Word of God and discern well your choice for a suitable lifetime helpmate. For just as Jesus Christ gave himself on the cross freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully through the Sacrament of the Eucharist, so must we in living out our baptismal promises daily. “As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.” (John 15:9) The choice is yours.