The hardest words to say
By Kara Nelson | Special to the Herald
A popular song claims that “sorry” is the hardest word to say. However, I think the hardest words to say are actually, “I love you.”
This may sound surprising. We always say that! We say or write, “Love you,” or “Luv ya” or “LYLAS” (Love you like a sister). But that is not the same as saying simply: “I love you.” Somehow, dropping off the “I” seems to make it okay, less risky, to express our love for someone. However, we have no compunctions about saying, “I love ice cream!” or “I love ‘Twilight!’” or “I love to go surfing!”
But we forget to say “I love you” to our parents before going for a night out. We don’t say it spontaneously, out of the blue. We’re afraid to say this phrase to our best friends in the fear that someone will overhear, or we’re afraid of rejection, or we don’t want our friends to think we’re little kids saying “I love you” to our parents.
It wasn’t until this past year, more or less, that I started noticing this. We love others so much, but shyness or fear keeps us from expressing our feelings and showing them how much we actually care for them. We’re afraid of being rebuffed, or discovering that we might love someone more than they love us. We hang up the phone with awkward good-byes when we could say “I love you. Talk to you later.”
As a child, I once “slipped” and said “I love you” to a parishioner who was battling cancer. But I was glad I did it. It came from the heart and after he passed away, I’ve never had to regret not saying my feelings.
How much longer do you have to live? One day? A year? Fifty years? We don’t know. You could die the next time you go out for a drive or cross the street. We don’t know how much time we have left. That’s why we should start telling our loved ones that we love them, and tell them so more often. Or they could be taken from us at any time, leaving us behind. I was touched recently when a girl I hadn’t seen for several years and barely remembered said, “I love you,” after seeing me for only a short time one evening. She was not afraid to say this to someone she hadn’t seen in ages.
In John 13:37, Peter says to Jesus, “I will lay down my life for you.” But it wasn’t until Jesus had risen from the dead, and Jesus asking Peter if Peter loved him, that Peter finally said, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”(John 21:15) Jesus had him say, “I love you,” three times!
Brothers and sisters, let us all love one another, and never let our fears prevent us from saying these vital words. Jesus said: “I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
The time to say the hardest words is now. If you do, you might find that, by setting an example, it will be easier for others to say to you in return, “I love you.”
Kara Nelson is a freelance writer who lives in Kau on the Big Island. She graduated this year from the Seton Home Study high school program and is beginning her first year at the University of Hawaii Center in West Hawaii.